Reality, Forgiveness, Happiness and Peace of Mind

By Don Searles

Reality can be difficult to accept.  Reality can be painful.  Many of us would like to hit the delete key and have reality go away.  However, when, you understand reality and take action on it, your life will improve dramatically and you will gain happiness and peace of mind.

1.      Reality Is:  The World Is Full Of Evil:  From 1900 to 2000, over 160,000,000 people were killed in wars and atrocities of evil dictators.  Hitler murdered over 6 million Jews and as many as 20 million died as a result of his actions.  Slavery and segregation were evil.  We see evil everywhere.  Over 30 people murdered at Virginia Tech University in 2007, the destruction of the World Trade Center on 9/11, war and suicide bombers in the Mid- East and over 360 murders a year in Philadelphia.  The Bible says, “Evil will abound.”

2.      Reality Is:  God is Not Responsible For Evil.  Everyone has a free will.  Everyone has the free will to do good or evil, to help others, or to hurt and even kill them.  God cannot take away a persons free will.  When people use their free will to do evil, God has no control of their will or actions.  Therefore, we cannot blame God for evil.

3.      Reality Is:  God Gave You Control of Your Mind.  You have the ability to control what you believe and do.  It is what you believe that controls your emotions and actions.  Your emotions and actions determine the results you get, and your level of happiness and peace of mind.  If you are not happy and do not have peace of mind, you have the ability to seek knowledge and form new beliefs and habits of the mind that will make you happy and give you peace of mind.  However, it will not be easy and will require prayer and a great deal of work.

4.      Reality Is:  People Refuse to Change.  In most cases, when a person forms a belief, they label it truth and from then on they refuse to seek or accept any information or evidence counter to their belief.  That is the reason we have so many different religions and churches, and the reason we have courts to settle disputes between people that believe and think differently.  
When people form evil beliefs, they do evil deeds.  Hitler is a prime example.  He formed evil beliefs, labeled them truth, refused to examine his beliefs, and did evil deeds.  Proverbs says, “Fools hate knowledge.”  Hitler was one of the greatest fools of all times.  Proverbs also says, “Wise men store up knowledge.”  Therefore, seek knowledge, examine your beliefs, and be willing to change your beliefs when there is evidence that you will benefit from new beliefs.  If you do this, you will find happiness and piece of mind. 

5.      Reality Is:  Life Is Not Fair.  Many people cry, “That is not fair.”  No place in the Bible does it say that life will be fair.  However, the Bible does talk a lot about injustice and persecution.  Life was not fair for the six million Jews that went to the gas chambers or the millions of slaves that suffered under oppressive owners. 

6.      Reality Is:  Life is Difficult.  Human relation problems, divorce, health problems, death of a spouse or other family member, loss of a job, injuries in an accident, as well as sexual, physical, and mental abuse are some of life’s difficulties.  The ultimate difficulty is our death.  Scott Peck in his book, The Road Less Traveled, wrote, “Life is difficult.  As soon as you understand that life is difficult, then life is no longer difficult.”

7.     Reality Is:  You Cannot Change The Past. There is no delete key that will erase the past.  Not even God can change what has been done.  You cannot change the fact that over six million Jews were murdered in the gas chambers of Germany.  You cannot change the fact that millions of slaves were abused, raped, and lynched.  You cannot change the past if you were abused, unjustly treated or have had other difficulties.  Continuing to live with the pain of the past will only bring pain in the present and in the future.  However, as reality #3 states, you have the ability to form new beliefs and habits of the mind that will support you and give you happiness and peace of mind.

8.      Reality Is:  You Are Responsible.  Not God, the government, your parents, your spouse, your boss, not anyone, is reasonable for your life, YOU ARE.  You are the only person that can solve your problems and if you don’t, you will live with the misery they cause.

9.      Reality Is:  You Cannot Solve Major Problems Without Outside Help.  You cannot solve a health problem without outside help from a doctor.  You cannot solve a legal problem without an attorney.  If your roof leaks, you need a roofer.  With any other major problem that you can name, you will need outside help to solve it.  Outside help can be prayer for guidance to a solution, a professional trained in the help you need, books, the internet, and other resources that you study.  Without outside help, many people make mistakes that make the problem bigger.  As reality #8 states, you are responsible to solve your problems. 

10. Reality Is:  If you don’t take responsibility and get outside help, you will be stuck with the same problems you have now, for the rest of your life.  You have a choice that only you can make.

11. Reality Is:  Forgiveness Is The Path To Happiness And Peace Of Mind.  My study of the Bible and books on forgiveness, shows, that if you have been sexually, mentally, or physically abused, or have suffered injustice, and unfairness, forgiveness is the road, and the only road, that will lead you to happiness and peace of mind.
Forgiveness Is: A willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifference to one who unjustly injured you, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and love toward him or her.

When you are able to fully accept the eleven realities of life and take action, you will be able to solve life’s problems and move forward without the pain of evil or injustice that has affected you.  You will be able to develop beliefs and habits of the mind that support you and give you happiness and peace of mind.

If you have hatred, anger, bitterness, resentment, or thoughts of revenge from past abuse, unfair treatment and other of life’s difficulties, you know how much the pain hurts you.  Forgiving is the only way to get free from the trap of persistent and unfair pain from the past.

The Big Question Is How To Forgive?  Jesus gave us several commandants about forgiveness.   

¨     For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. 

¨     Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?"  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.”

However, Jesus did not tell us the mechanics or the process of how we can forgive.  As stated in reality #8, you are responsible, and in reality #9, that you will need outside help.  

If you want to be an engineer, it would not be effective to pray, God make me an engineer.  Why not?

¨     Because you know that there is a process, a procedure to become an engineer.

¨     Because you know that to be an engineer requires at least four years of college. 

¨     Because you know that college requires lots and lots of study to understand engineering.

To become an engineer, an effective way to pray would be:

¨     God, guide me to resources where I can learn how to become an engineer, what college to attend and what courses to take. 

¨     God, help me to have the determination to go to college, study, and fulfill the requirements to be an engineer.  

¨     Then take action, go to college, study and become an engineer.  

There are three keys, Prayer, learning what to do and taking action.

This same principle applies to forgiveness.  Praying God help me to forgive, will be helpful but ineffective until you take reasonability, get outside help, find out what to do and take action.  Forgiveness is a process that requires:

1.      Prayer for God to guide you to the help you need and the dedication to use it.

2.      Outside help and study to understand what forgiveness is, and is not, and the steps required to forgive. 

3.      Taking action on what you learned.

The keys are: Prayer, outside help, taking action.  These are the keys to solving any problem.

Read the article, Important Points About Forgiveness, to learn more about forgiveness.

Following are two excellent books that will guide you along the forgiveness road.

1.      The Art of Forgiving: When You Need to Forgive and Don’t know How.  By Lewis B Smedes.  You can buy it on the Internet at Amazon.com [used in good condition] for $4.49+ shipping.

2.      Forgiveness: How To Make Peace With Your Past And Get On With Your Life.  By Dr. Sidney Simon and Suzanne Simon.  You can buy it on the Internet at Amazon.com [used in good condition] for $2.79 + shipping.  

Note: You can buy many books, used in good condition, at Amazon.com., some as low as 1 cent.

I recommend that you study book #1 first.

I pray that as you study and learn about forgiveness and take action, that God will guide you to a place of forgiveness, happiness, and peace of mind.